I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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