Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
