you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
