Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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