Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
