someone get that fucking seahorse.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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