I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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