I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
