sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
