I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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