I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize