to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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