thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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