Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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