I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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