we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
