...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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