she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
