More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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