Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
