I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
