Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
