Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
