Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize