You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
