so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
