im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize