I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
