your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
