their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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