Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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