Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
