Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my poor anus
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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