Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
