College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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