he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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