I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How does it feel to date your dad?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
