Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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