Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
