the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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