there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
