he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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