i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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