It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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