This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
