Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
