i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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