Hey man sorry I got all grabby
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
