whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
