Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
