How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
