I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
