he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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