did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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