How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
