...so i touched it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Every concussion has its silver lining
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
