she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
