If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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