Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
