Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
