I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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