Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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