so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
