Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
