Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
