that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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