the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
