Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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