so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
