yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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