who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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