Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
